the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
