dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
