Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
