Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
