Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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