How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
