Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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