How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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