her vagine was all disorganized.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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