i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
