Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
