There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
