the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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