he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
