i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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