I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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