return my video game
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
