Pappa wants mamma naked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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