I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The uberlube is also flammable
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
