i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
