you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
