Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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