Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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