I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
