these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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