if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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