Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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