one two three fourrrrnication!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
