it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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