And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
