I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
