I hate your face
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
