i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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