my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
