the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
