I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
