whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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