Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
