I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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