so explain again why im purple
no
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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