I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
