you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
