I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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