"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
