when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
