imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
