i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
