Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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