i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
