I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
