I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
