She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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