my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My feet surprised me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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