Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i out mim tonsoeep
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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