last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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