Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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