Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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