I wish I could teleport
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
