it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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