you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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