Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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