I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
