gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
