yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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