Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
