Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
