lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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