hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just gargled with NyQuil
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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